I know this long but I ask that you take the time to read as it some day may apply to you! As you can tell by this lengthy post there has been a lot on my mind. God is good all the time even when we are totally oblivious to circumstances unseen.
Several weeks ago I had a regular Dr visit. The Dr told me that at age 50 I was due for a colon cancer screening. I was given the option of taking a home self test or a colonoscopy. I chose the home self test (not in any particular order) #1 because it is less invasive #2 I believed I was healthy enough to pass it and move on with my life like nothing ever happened. #3 I have no one in the area where I live who would be able to take me #4 I did not want to put anyone out #5 I have really bad anxiety some times just going to the Dr for a regular checkup. In my mind each of those in their own right are a very good reason to do things the easy way! The Dr told warned me that if the cologard test came back positive that insurance would not pay for the colonoscopy. However, I was confident that I would pass it and there would not be any need for further tests.
I sent my home test off expecting to hear nothing back. One day after working all weekend I woke up after maybe a couple of hours sleep and saw that I had an email revealing my results. I looked at the email and read, “Positive.” After looking at it several times in utter disbelief I started shaking due to a panic attack. I immediately called a friend and ask if I could come over with no explanation. I drove a little over 1 1/2 hours to her house with little sleep and terrible anxiety. After talking to my friend and staying the night I drove back the next day. I got back to as normal every day living as possible but I was wishing I had stayed an extra day at my friends house because anxiety kept trying to creep in.
Cancer has always been a fear of mine having had both parents pass away due to cancer as well as a brother. Preregistering at the same hospital where I received the bad news about my mom started bringing back a flood of bad memories. I know my mom probably broke down several times after receiving her devastating news but never once did she do so around me. I have always hoped that I would be as strong as she was in the face of death as well as a few rare others I have known. I also thought about those of you I know on Facebook who have or are dealing with cancer as I always do but even more so than previously. If you have or did have cancer and have talked about it on Facebook then I am referring to you as well as others who have passed on.
After receiving my results I kept thinking about how dumb I was for not just doing the free colonoscopy!! Telling everyone how stupid I was and how all of my so called reasons for not following through with the actual colonoscopy backfired. Especially when it hit me that this new bout with anxiety along with those bouts in the past have ended up costing me enough money to be able to purchase a new car! Because not only do I have the stress of having to go through all I was avoiding in the first place now I also have a huge medical bill in the process!
So I got on Facebook and asked if anyone knew of a good gastroenterologist in the Palestine area. Dr Wilkinson was the name with the most referrals. I was not looking for signs from the Lord that everything would be alright. However, to my surprise Dr Wilkinson is a Christian. On the day I preregistered for the hospital the receptionist was also a Christian. But go back to even last year when my regular medical Dr was out and the Lord provided a Christian dr who prayed for me before I left due to my anxiety was so bad during my appointment. I have made that my regular DR.
I was concerned that on the day of my colonoscopy my anxiety would be going through the roof. I warned the Dr that I have terrible anxiety that leads to panic attacks. He said, “He was glad I told him and that they would put something in the I.V. If they had to. I went more than 36 hours only having the prep for the colonoscopy and 2 cups of chicken broth and before it was over it ended up being around 40 hours! I got hungry but not enough to really get worked up about. The day before after my fast began I went out with friends while they ate pizza in front of me and it did not phase me! That is the Lord! All those times at work that I turned down food since changing my eating habits paid off!
The time spent at the hospital was around 4 hours. The only time I really came close to freaking out was due to waiting sooo long but more so when they started putting the oxygen mask on me and all the other gadgets. However, I never needed any anxiety medicine! That too was also the Lord!
When the procedure was over and it was all said and done I was told that I was fine. The Dr said they found 1 very large polyup that in 1 1/2 years would have been cancer and that in 3 years I would have been dead. The Dr said Word for word, “I dodged a real bullet!” I have the pictures to prove it! As dumb as I thought I was for doing the home test instead of the colonoscopy it would have been much worse had the home test not existed. In that case I would not have done anything at all so even in my ignorance the Lords hand was upon me!
I can’t help but wonder if I had not changed my eating habits that were probably feeding the poylup and helping it to grow how much worse it might have been. If I had not started going to the gym 8 months ago how much more would it have grown? How much closer to having cancer would I have been? I began changing my diet at the beginning of last year and by December 27 I drastically improved it! My eating habits as well as weight loss may have also played a role in saving my life!
I am saying all of these things because I am urging anyone who reads this to just bite the bullet. Please do not let fear talk you out of doing the colonoscopy instead of the home test when the time comes. I know the home test helped save my life but it cost me more money in the long run. It also caused me a lot of undue misery. My anxiety has really cost me a lot of money and it has also been hard to hold on to my job. 3 things that put someone at risk for colon cancer is reaching 50 years old, diet and not exercising regularly. I urge each of you to take my humble advice! You can slow down the age process but you can make changes!
I have always felt that the Lord has more for me than what I have seen. It took 44 years of a dream to sing on TV to come true but it did. Even earlier on the very morning of my colonoscopy 779,000 people heard my song, Mama’s Grace on the radio. My fabulous 50s started out well with being on TV, Radio, releasing a couple of new songs, being #1 at the gym for the Top 10, Member of the Month for May, and a few other highlights as well! Awesome stuff that I hope to never take for granted!
However, just a few weeks ago as I often do I struggled more than ever with why do I even exist? What is the point? Who would even miss me if I was gone? Yet, I know the Lord’s hand was upon me this week and I take that as a sign He is not finished with me yet! I hope and pray that as I recall this testimony it gives me a whole new perspective in many areas of my life! I hope you will see the Lords hand it as well in a way that inspires and encourages you to not give up and to overcome your fears when it comes to health or any other circumstance that arises. Not doing anything may just end up causing more fear!
Now I most likely will have to have a procedure done on my hand as I found a cyst or something in it a few weeks ago. It is getting hard to open bottles and I notice it when I do other things as well. After this previous experience I am hoping I have a newfound faith that has grown me up more spiritually! I am going that I can and will flex my faith muscles more boldly!